I met a friend for coffee, last week, and a much needed catchup on the ins and outs of each other's lives.
When I asked my friend how work was going for him, he told me that he knew his company had experienced a slowdown in this economy and that just in the last few months a couple of people had quit the company and they didn't fill the positions. That worried him.
He told me he didn't want the company to go under because then he would be layed off and, with all that was going on with his family, including his kids, that would be really bad timing. He didn't want to have to look for a new job right now because jobs are hard to find, especially for a guy his age. He was also questioning whether he should take the family on vacation this year or just hold on to his money right now.
Maybe some of you are relating to some or all of his situation? Have you heard or thought similar thoughts yourself?
We human-types (me included) have a funny habit of taking facts (like a downward flux of business or a company not filling vacancies or a stock market plunging) and turning them into future-casted fears (like "the company is going under" or "I'm going to be layed off" or "no one will hire me").
I've launched into a thousand worries myself - over the news, or a rumour, or a piece of information that seems to be something I "should" be worried about, but after a whole lot of experience, coaching, learning, observing, and helping others, I have figured out that it's all a head game.
It is no different than when you were little and worried about The Boogeyman. Only now, you are the kid and the parent and you have to show yourself that there is nothing under the bed or in the closet.
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Here's what I've learned about breaking The Boogeyman Habit:
Exhibit A = We don't know what will happen in the future.
Have you ever noticed that we don't ever seem to future-cast joy?
We don't think, "Hey, having less people will give the company so much more of a family feel and maybe I'll get a raise for the extra work I'm doing."
Nope. We go straight to The Boogeyman and it happens so fast that we don't even realize we've done it. Bad news? Boom! Fearful future...without any other choices along the way.
The truth is, the future hasn't happened yet, so we don't actually know what could happen.
It could be awful, like my friend imagined it, or it could be fantastic or a whole bunch of options in between. We really don't know. So, we are faced with suspending our ideas about the future or making them up, to feel like we have some control.
If you are going to take the make-ideas-up route, then remember it's just as likely that things will be awesome as it is that they will be awful, so choose awesome. It's a better intention and will not take years off your life while you wait to see.
Exhibit B = The only place you have any power is in the present.
Think about it - the past has already happened and the future is not yet determined, so that leaves the present and, in the present, you have the ability to act...to choose. No other state allows you that power.
So, when you move into the future with your worries and fears, you are moving AWAY from your power to do anything about it. It's like worrying about a red light 3 miles ahead of where you are. What can you do about it until you actually get to the light? Not a damn thing, except worry. (Again with the years off your life!)
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By moving into a fearful future, you are very effectively increasing your sense of powerlessness - which is exactly how The Boogeyman keeps little kids in their bed. They are too terrified to move because they are imagining all the terrible things that could happen to them.
Awful, isn't it? Yet we do this to ourselves every day, multiple times a day!
Want out? Come back to the place you have power. The present.
The minute you feel yourself getting out in the future and worrying, pull yourself back to today and repeat your own version of this:
Right now, today, I am fine. I have never been faced with anything that I could not handle and, if something happens, (just as I always have) I will handle it. Today, right now, I am safe.
Feel the truth in your words. Feel the truth that you are safe right now.
It will immediately lift the sick, tight, fearful grip of The Boogeyman and bring you back into yourself and your power.
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Practice this as often as you need to, which in the beginning is a lot because The Boogeyman Habit is a habit you've probably been practicing for awhile. But today, right now, he's a habit you can break! : )
Post Script: A couple of days after our coffee, my friend emailed me to tell me that the company had announced that their profits were up and that the forecast was looking good. In other words, it turned out that there was nothing under the bed. Nine times out of ten, there wont be...
Post Post Script: What if you find out The Boogeyman IS under the bed? Returning to the present and repeating your safety mantra still works. When I got the news that I had been laid off, once upon a time, I used it to pull myself back from the massive fears that took my breath away and quickly swept me out into a very bleak, imagined future. I pulled myself back into the present moment of that day and reminded myself that I was safe today. I repeated it often and called on my support network of friends and family to help remind me. I also questioned every future-fear I created. Was it easy to stop worrying? No. Did it work? Yes.
Is The Boogeyman getting in your way?
What methods do you use to bring yourself out of your fears?
What was the last fearful thought you had? Was it true or just possible?
What better outcomes could also be possible?
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